Can Molly Mend Your Marriage?
Can Molly Mend Your Marriage?
In 1997, I wrote a book called Communication Miracles for Couples. It ended up becoming a New York Times bestseller after my appearance on The Oprah Show. Soon, I was inundated with couples wanting to do counseling with me. With practice, I got pretty good at it. Yet occasionally I would encounter a couple that was in such bad shape that nothing I tried would work with them. A married couple, I’ll call them Martha and Joe, had been arguing in my office for over a year of weekly sessions. Finally, as a desperate attempt to help them, I suggested they take the drug, MDMA (aka Ecstasy and Molly), together while I guided them to repair their relationship. Since the only alternative was a nasty divorce and custody battle, they were willing to give it a shot.
With Martha and Joe, they were so used to yelling at each other that I wasn’t sure if the MDMA would help. However, I’d had luck with several couples prior to them, so I was hopeful. Once the drug began taking effect, their whole demeanor changed. I had never seen that Martha and Joe even liked each other–much less love each other. While they had initially sat on opposite sides of my couch, now they were holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes. Then they spontaneously began listing all the things they loved about each other. Without my help, they started apologizing for all the things they had said and done to each other. By now, all three of us were in tears. Finally, I suggested we go over the many issues they (previously) had with each other. To my amazement, they reached a rational, loving agreement on all their relevant issues. I had witnessed a true communication miracle.
It is quite satisfying to see couples go from animosity to being amiable and agreeable with each other—all within a few short hours of work. Many therapists are now turning to this amazing drug for treating PTSD and helping couples. In fact, last year I began teaching an online course on how to do MDMA-assisted therapy, and now hundreds of therapists have taken my training. Nowadays, I hear frequent reports from therapists saying how a single session with a couple taking MDMA is equivalent to many years of traditional counseling. It is truly a miracle drug.
I’m not saying that MDMA alone can magically solve all issues between couples–although sometimes that does indeed happen. Nevertheless, this medicine, in conjunction with a good therapist, can truly do wonders. It can create a feeling of deep connection that has often been lacking between two people. Trying to work out challenging issues with someone you don’t trust and are mad at is practically impossible. Fortunately, working out issues with someone you love and respect is relatively easy to do. The positive feelings MDMA helps create allow couples to work out issues in one afternoon that might have taken years of therapy to produce.
Does It Last?
A common question I get about working with couples on MDMA is, “Do the positive feelings and solutions they arrive at really last?” The answer is “yes, no, and it depends.” I tell couples that any agreements they make while on the medicine will not be valid until they are confirmed by each person in an integration session one week later. My reassurance makes it easier for couples to work out agreeable solutions while on the drug. Later, during their integration session, I have found that couples almost always find the agreements they made while on MDMA still work for them.
One of the advantages of couples’ therapy with MDMA is how quickly it helps them get to a place of greater understanding of each other. People yearn to be understood, and most couples are not very good at understanding their partner. I never have a couple come to my office and say, “We really understand each other very well–that’s why we want a divorce.” On the other hand, couples will often say in exasperated tones, “They just don’t understand me–that’s why I want a divorce.” If I can help two people really grasp their partner’s feelings and viewpoint, and empathize with their experience, magic happens. MDMA makes that job a whole lot easier.
By the end of an MDMA session, I try to give couples a vision of how they can move forward in a loving manner. I often suggest they continue with counseling sessions every now and then to make sure they don’t fall back into old patterns.
The Future of MDMA Couples Therapy
The future of MDMA in therapy holds immense potential. As research continues, there is growing optimism that MDMA-assisted therapy will become a recognized and regulated treatment option for various mental health conditions. When I last interviewed Rick Doblin of MAPS, I asked him how he thought the future of MDMA would unfold. Of course, he could only speculate on who would be allowed to prescribe MDMA if and when it eventually gets FDA approval. Rick suggested, “I do not think it should be limited to psychiatrists…the likelihood is that doctors of any kind will, but they may need a small training program. It could be a couple of hours.”
Then, I asked Rick about who will be certified to be a guide for journeys. He replied, “We (MAPS) don’t want to be the only provider of the training, but we want it ideally to be provided by us or by groups that we authorize.” How things eventually unfold will be determined by the FDA if and when they finally make MDMA a legal medicine.
After leading hundreds of individual and couple counseling sessions with folks while they were on MDMA, I decided to write a book about it. In it, I describe many of the therapeutic methods I use to help individuals and couples work through their issues. When used therapeutically, Ecstasy is medicine. It’s medicine for the heart, the soul, and for a couple’s connection to each other. When two people can reconnect in the treasure of unconditional love, any problem can be solved. By using MDMA with a trusted guide or therapist, most couples can repair past hurts and return to a place of love in an amazingly short period of time.
Jonathan Robinson is a former psychotherapist and the author of Ecstasy for Couples, and teaches a course on how to do MDMA therapy. He has led over 600 journeys with individuals and couples. You can find out more at MDMAtraining.net or XTCforCouples.net.
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